May 15, 2017

MIA

May 15, 2017
Where have you been?
You should start blogging again?
Where's the update?


All things I've heard over the last few months while I hiatus-ed from this little part of the world. Admittedly, I miss this place but I miss something else even more. 

I miss my parents. 
(however that's not why I took a break... we'll get to that)

My parents moved overseas around the time I last pressed "publish," and while I didn't really expect to be too much affected by it, I was. My parents are my rock and my mom is my best friend, so for them to leave and go on this new adventure - I was a bit of an emotional mess. Instead of dealing with my emotions head on from the jump, I brushed it under the rug. Instead I dove into my job and turned to friends/relationships to occupy my mind and time.

Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited for my parents. This childless adventure is well-deserved, well-earned and well overdue. My parents are amazing and they have spent the greater portion of their lives making sure that my siblings and I were raised in a stable and loving household, received great educations, and developed into morally sound human beings. Even though my father got to travel as part of his career, my mother has always dreamed of traveling more, so now that they are in a position to do so without kids, they honestly and truly deserve to go see the world.  


Let's be clear about something though - 
My hiatus isn't because I missed my parents.
My hiatus was because I felt like nothing I had to say was important. Nothing was happening in my life worth talking about - I went to work, I slept and I occasionally hung out with my friends. I entered into a relationship that, in hindsight, was detrimental to my mental and emotional health, but I didn't want to talk about that either. In addition, I had about a two month span of my patients dying and my apartment was falling apart - doors getting stuck, termite swarm in the bedroom window, leaking kitchen sink for two weeks. On the positive side, I had friends having babies, getting engaged and/or married. I had friends earning promotions and degrees. All things I thought were wonderful and definitely blog-worthy, but not on my blog because it wasn't about me or even my business to talk about. 

It was in that time that the undertone of sadness began creeping its way into everything I wrote, so all the saved drafts got deleted because I didn't want to talk about death and dying, my parents, my apartment or relationship woes. I didn't want a pity party. I didn't want to come off "weak" or "unhappy" when in reality, that was how I felt - unhappy, sad and alone. 

So even though I'm not in the greatest mindset/job/apartment of my life, even though I still have things I'm dealing with (as we all are), and even though I still miss my parents everyday, I miss this blog. 
I miss you guys. I miss being creative. 
I miss having an outlet. 
If no one reads my blog anymore, it's okay. I'm not writing this solely for you. 
I'm writing this because this blog is my therapy - it makes me smile, it takes me happy

and I miss it.

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