August 22, 2010

30 DLC: Day 30- Your reflection in the mirror

August 22, 2010
Wow. My 30 DLC was supposed to end long ago, but I'm gonna do it now.

To the reflection in the mirror:
You are a strong and beautiful woman, but you need to stop putting yourself down and you need to learn to let things go. No one is perfect, not even you. Yeah life screws you over, and people do too, but that's not the end all, be all of life. Each day you need to wake up and thank God for being alive. Live for Him and cherish each moment you spend on this green earth.  You've been through a lot and the people closest to you know how strong you are, but you can show emotion too. It's okay to be visibly upset and pained and everything else you feel. You don't need to hide it or keep it inside. Know that there are tons of people willing to listen and trust that they are truly there for you and they don't have a hidden agenda. The people of *this county* are not the people you're gonna be around your whole life, so stop making a big deal of what's going on now. Look to the future and take the people and memories that you cherish from where you are now, to where you go in the future. Don't forget to thank your parents for giving you life and the will to be successful. Don't forget to thank your fellow Notre Dame scholars for showing you that not all African Americans are "hoodlums," "low-lifes," "thugs." We're going places that African Americans have never gone before and don't you ever forget that. Don't forget to keep in touch with the people who always check in on you and make sure you're doing okay, even when you feel like shutting out the world. Don't forget to say "thank you" or smile at strangers, because it may have just made their day or saved their life. Stop judging people before you get to know them and pray that others will stop judging you before they know you. As a human race, we have a lot to offer each other and we can't do that with all of the hate in the world. You need to be the change you want to see in the world. I love you and I promise that I will never do anything to hurt you again. I promise that as long as I shall live, I will respect myself and learn to respect those around me. I promise to love you before I learn to love anyone else. Never forget who you are: a beautiful, strong, determined, and respectful woman.

"I made a promise to myself: I would always remember my parents’ wishes, but I would never forget myself." -The Joy Luck Club

 I Promise Myself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of
others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the
greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile
to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I
have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry; too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,
so long as Iam true to the best that is in me.

Christian D. Larson

August 7, 2010

Fresh Beginnings

August 7, 2010
I haven't written much about my life since I've done these letters. There really isn't too much new with me, but I have begun to try and find direction in my life...

College applications and scholarships are all looming. With senior year [SENIORS] already here and already going by quickly, I know I need to get a move on.

I went to Notre Dame a few weeks ago and it really changed my life. As one of forty students chosen in the nation to participate in the Seminar for African American Scholars, I got a chance to experience all the ND has to offer and was given priority with my college application. Here, I got to listen to lectures from renowned lecturers, sit in on college classes, party with fellow students (hey Rayven and Iheanyi!), go to Chicago, go to a baseball game, learn about myself, sleep in dorms, build some of the most amazing bonds with 43 other people, all in just a week. I was also reintroduced to the Church, though it wasn't forced down my throat, and that made me want to try and find my faith again. I have come to the conclusion that I am not a practicing Catholic and am probably Agnostic. I met people who have changed my life in more ways than I can imagine or even list, and they've opened my eyes to what is in store for my future.

Since then and since I've been reconsidering what I'm going to do regarding graduation, I've done a lot of "cleansing." Maybe it's more like purging. I'm getting rid of people who don't enhance me, don't challenge my mind, don't encourage me and don't support me. The people who bring me down aren't needed and I don't feel that they don't need an explanation as to why I don't want to associate with them anymore; just a "goodbye, I wish the very best for you in all that you choose to do in the future. God bless."

30 DLC: Day 28- Someone that changed your life

To someone that changed my life:

Though you're no longer on this earth, I know you continue to watch over me each day and guide me. I love you and I wish I could have spent more time with you before you left me. You have so many stories that I never got to hear you tell and I feel like you passed before I could appreciate how much you could offer as my grandpa. 
I love you.

Please continue to keep me on track.

You & Grandma's Little Angel

30 DLC: Day 27-The friendliest person you knew for only one day

To the friendliest person I knew for only one day:
I can't think...
If I remember, I'll edit this.


EDIT (06/12/2013):
Mama Cat! 
This beautiful lady offered me a job after knowing me for only 15 minutes. I met her a while ago at the college I'm taking my summer class at and she was such a sweetheart. She made me laugh so much and asked if I'd like to work in the student life office! Unfortunately, I'm only at this school until August before I go to nursing school, so I couldn't take her up on her offer.

Sweet, sweet lady. 

30 DLC: Day 25- The person you know that is going through the worst of times

To the person I know that is going through the worst of times:
Hey babygirl. I know things are really rough and I know there's nothing I can say to ease the pain you and your family are going through, but I want you to know that I'm here for you no matter what. I've known you and your family since you moved to Georgia nearly 15 years ago. You and I used to be best friends, and as we grew older we grew apart; however, we still speak and catch up occasionally, which makes me happy. I was a frequent guest in your house and your family always welcomed me as if I lived there. Your brother used to chase you, me, and Tyler around and we'd all lock ourselves in the closet. We spent hours playing with his Connex (sp?). It's heartbreaking to know that someone so close to me- and even closer to you- has passed, but you know he is with God now. He's watching over us and guiding us through each day, and I pray for you and your family whenever I can. I love you guys and I know you all are strong. If you need me, for WHATEVER reason, I'm here to listen. 


July 26, 2010

30 DLC: Day 17- Someone from your childhood

July 26, 2010
To someone from my childhood:
There are many dear friends and acquaintances from my childhood, but I feel the need to write this specific girl a letter.

I've known you for 15 years and though you and I haven't always gotten along, we are still close. Recently, a tragic event occurred and you lost your brother. Your brother was like my brother. I've watched him grow up and become a nuisance, a pest, a bother, then a young man, a college student, an intellectual, and then an adult. You and I have always lived very parallel lives and I am always here for you. I miss you and I know when you go off to Alabama for school, you'll be dealing with a lot of weight on your shoulders. Keep in mind that you are a strong, beautiful young lady who is loved by many. Surround yourself with people that care about you and no one else. You deserve more than that. I love you. I miss you. I"m here for you. I'm praying for you.

July 25, 2010

30 DLC: Day 13- The person you hate most/caused you the most pain

July 25, 2010
To the person I hate most/caused me the most pain:
There's actually two of you, but I don't hate you guys. You both, however, did cause me a lot of pain. Each of you know that I was hurt after everything y'all did.

One of you caused me emotional pain by ignoring me and treating me like I wasn't worth anything. We've discussed it over and over and over, and I finally think you understand just how much you hurt me. You've even told me that you're shocked that I still talk to you. While you'll probably never get another chance to be as close to me as we used to be, you're fun to talk to about random dumb stuff. I'm no longer vulnerable with you because that's how I got hurt so bad the first time.

The other one was quite the opposite by verbally abusing me. You told me your darkest secrets and even threatened your own life at times. You constantly kept me worried about your safety and since I was the only one who knew about your issues, I was trapped into constantly talking to you and making sure you were okay. You got angry when I finally told someone close to you to keep an eye on you since I didn't live near you and couldn't do it myself. You cussed me out, and told me I was a traitor and that I was worthless. Even earlier than that when we tried dating, you text me one day calling me a bitch and saying I wasn't worth a dime. You accused me of everything under the sun and finally broke me down by saying you couldn't even believe you were talking to me. While I don't hate you, you won't get a second chance to be close to me like we were before.

July 17, 2010

30 DLC: Day 8- Your Favorite Internet Friend

July 17, 2010
To my favorite internet friends:
"I love all of you. Thank you for being there and supporting me when most of the time I really am not worth it, I don’t think you know how truly grateful I am for it. You guys always seem to make me feel a bit better, whether it’s by posting a funny picture or telling me something that makes me smile. I love knowing that there is a community of people on here that I can relate to with everything and that understand and will listen to me. I hope all of you can become happy/happier in your lives because you really deserve it. Even when you delete your [facebook/blog] and you’re all old and have a family and a spouse and when you’re old and retired I hope you really really enjoy all of it. I know I will remember all of you because you have a very special place in my heart. I would name you guys, but again there are a lot and I’m afraid I would forget someone important. But basically you guys know who you are! And if you ever need anything, I am here for you as you’ve been here for me to talk about anything or vent or share a secret with."

The only person I'd say something about aside from all of you as a whole is Aaron, or AV. I've only met you once and it was crazy how we found each other after that first run-in. You are the sweetest and nicest guy and I wish the best of luck to you in all of your future endeavors. I love your sense of humor and I can't wait to see you again in real life! Don't forget me when you get old and move away. As you know, I'm always avaliable to talk!

July 14, 2010

30 DLC: Day 4- Your Sibling (or closest relative)

July 14, 2010
To my siblings:

You are seriously the best. I love you! I can tell you anything and I know you'll always be there for me should I need you. You make me laugh and we have the best times whenever we're together, whether we're watching game 7, playing with your kids, or driving to random places. You're like a mentor to me and you offer really good advice. I don't know what I'd do without you or what I'd do if you didn't live nearby. You are beautiful inside and out. I run to you when I wanna escape the house and I'm grateful that you're my big sister.

You are such an inspiration and role model. You mean so much to me and I know we've had our fair share of differences over the years but I love you so much. You always give amazing advice and inspire me to follow my dreams. I loved spending time alone with you in Boston and seeing the way you lived your life. It really made me wanna get out there and start living mine. Though you are physically far away, you are close to my heart and simply a phone call away should I need anything. You are beyond intelligent and beautiful and I'm so glad I can call you my sister.

My only brother and my big brother at that... I always felt like you were supposed to be the protective older brother, but I have yet to see that side of you. I love you to death and you have always been my best friend. I tell you almost everything and I know you can relate because, well we live under the same roof. I know you always have my back, even when it's not necessary to take sides, and I definitely have yours. Thank you for all the great times we've had through the years, playing Legos and Lava People with me... I know I was probably the annoying younger sister, but I appreciate the relationship we had. Not many brothers and sisters that we know/knew are/were as close as us and that's just a few reasons why I'm lucky to have you as a big brother.

July 12, 2010

30DLC: Day 3- Your Parents

July 12, 2010
To my parents,
You guys are great. Sometimes I feel you're overbearing and you take the jokes and sarcasm way too far, but y'all are cool. Mom, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I wish would just r e l a x and take a moment to slow down and enjoy life. I feel like you're always on the go. Dad, I appreciate everything you have done for me, but I wish you'd believe me when I say some guys are just my friends. I know you were once their age and I know you know how they think, but did it ever occur to you that they aren't interested? I know I'm your little girl and I know you're just trying to protect me, but I have to grow up at some point and you won't always be able to control who I hang out with. You and mom have both instilled good values and morals in me and I carry myself in a way that would hopefully make you guys proud. You both have taught me a lot and I've grown a lot from hearing your stories and learning from my mistakes... tell more stories. Though I may not want to sit and hear them and it may not look like I'm listening, I am. I apply what y'all tell me in my life and if they help with what I'm going through, the stories are much appreciated. If the stories don't help at that particular moment in time, I keep it stored in my mind just in case I need help with something else.
 I love you guys.

July 10, 2010

30DLC: Day 1- Your Best Friend

July 10, 2010
Don't be offended or take it personally if you're not listed in my letters. Especially to my friends. It's nearly impossible to write this letter seeing as I consider many of you best friends, each for your own reason. In order to avoid conflict and controversy among my girlfriends, I'm not going to write a best friend letter to any girls. I'm only going to write one best friend and it's to one of my best guy friends. 

To my best friend Javarious:
You're seriously everything I could have asked for in a best friend and more.. You've always stuck by my side and helped me through anything I've needed help with. You're honest, trustworthy, and genuine. You make me laugh, cheer me up when I'm down, and make me smile when I don't want to.
I miss you a lot and I wish you would come visit me every once in a while, because talking to you every now and then isn't enough. I have SO many things to tell you, but you've been super busy lately, recording and producing, and I know that's your passion so I'm trying not to interfere.
We've been through so much, way too much to even discuss or reminisce over right now, but everything we've gone through has strengthened our relationship in its own way. Remember Loren Elise and Terrence??
I've learned a lot from you, and even though we don't talk as much as we used to, I know you'll always be there for me, no matter the time, place, or distance.
I love you bestie and I appreciate everything you've ever done for me. Thank you for being the best friend a girl could ask for.

July 9, 2010

Beginning of the 30 DLC

July 9, 2010
Starting tomorrow, I'm going to try the 30 Day Letter Challenge... This should be interesting though because as you can tell, I don't update everyday.

This is a challenge that requires you to write a letter each day to a certain person/group of people.

EDIT (06/13/2013):

I reverted a lot of these posts and many other ones that I had to draft due to the fact that they're coming from a young-minded, high school woman who did not lay out her thoughts very well.

May 17, 2010

It's That Time of Year

May 17, 2010
Well it's that time of year. The time when one chapter of our lives close, two months before the next one opens. It's sad, yet exciting at the same time. Many of my really good friends are about to embark on one of the biggest experiences of their lives and I really wish I could go on and embark on that journey with them. I'm gonna miss them so much, but I know it's time for them to move on and I have to live with that.

One thing I've really learned from highschool is how to handle friendships. People change all the time and there's no set rules or guidelines of how a friendship is supposed to be. This can be both good and bad, and personally, I had to experience a lot of bad before good. Who makes the rules of friendship? What's entailed in being a good friend? What about a bad one? What are the responsibilities of being a friend, or are there even any?

The King and Queen
Photography by Me

April 10, 2010

End of SBX

April 10, 2010
Spring break is sadly coming to a close (aka SBX). I've never been so busy during spring break in my life, I could actually go for a few more days off for some "me" time.

Over the past 7 days, I've been in/through 6 states. 
Let's walk through em, shall we?

I left for Boston, Massachusetts April 1st and didn't get home til Monday, April 5th. I was up there visiting my sister and while there, I also visited two colleges (Emerson and Boston University) and even went to New York. In order to get to New York, we had to take a bus through Connecticut.

Two days after I got back to Georgia, I left to go visit Clemson in South Carolina. Thursday, my dad and I crashed a tour group as Auburn in Alabama where I got to see my best friend, J.Hop, and introduce him to my dad! 

In total, that makes 6 states in 7 days.

Crazy right? I really didnt have any down time until now.

Here are a few prom photos from the other weekend:

March 27, 2010

Prom 2010

March 27, 2010
Today is the day...

I'm so excited! I got my nails done yesterday and I'm getting my hair done today at 2:30.
 Pictures are at 5 at this place down the street from my house and the bus picks us up for dinner at 6. 

Here's what my dress looks like:

I can't wait!

March 20, 2010

Don't Marry for Love?

March 20, 2010
I read an article back on Valentine's Day and it was about love. It was comical actually, but it began: "Here's a word of advice this Valentine's Day: Don't marry for love. Before you hopeless romantics hurl a chocolate heart at my head, let me qualify that. What I really mean is this: Don't marry only (or even mostly) for love."

The funny thing is, I was a hopeless romantic when I started reading this article; however after reading it all the way through, reality hit me. It's true. The author of this article said it so well that I have no other choice but to paste her words: "There is a lot of conventional wisdom on the key to a successful marriage. Mary someone you love. Marry someone who makes you laugh. Marry someone who can put up with you. Marry someone who is financially secure. Marry someone with similar values, common interests, and a good education. All are good advice. But after years of thinking about and studying this country's epidemic, I now believe the key to a successful marriage is when the couple is more committed to the health and longevity of the marriage than to each other. That way, during those times when they can't stand each other - and those times surely will come, as no one is perfect- they have something to fall back on and remain committed to. "

I LOVE this article and it was actually a guest writer who was featured in the AJC. She made me realize that even though I'm obviously not at an age suitable for marriage, my relationships now and how I deal with them will affect my marriage when that time comes. If I leave I guy I "love" get into an argument and I leave because of that fight, I obviously was never committed to him in the first place. That also makes me wonder though: at a young age, should people really try to be in committed, monogamous relationships? Or should we date around and see what we like, much like shopping for a car? Should we "try on" different people and see what "fits" the best and makes us feel the best? Or if we are lucky enough to find "the one" (or in our eyes at that moment), should we stay faithful and loyal as if we were going to get married right then?

I have a love/hate for being in a relationship, because I also love being single. I know I don't need a man, but I love the company of one. I love being able to say I have someone that'll be there for me no matter what, that I can share experiences, memories, and laughter with. One that supports me and my decisions, just like I do for him. However, that hasn't been true of any of my past relationships so I don't even know what that feels like.

This is probably a ramble to y'all, but I swear in my head, it all makes sense.

January 14, 2010

He Asked..

January 14, 2010
And I said yes!

Y'all, I got asked to prom!

I gave my friend Leah my boyfriend's number so she could make sure he does a good job asking me to prom (lil controlling, I know). And he did something so cute! He made a heart in Hershey's kisses on my car hood and a line of kisses on the ground leading from the bottom of the parking lot area to my car. When I got out of 7th, I went to my car like usual but I saw all the kisses and him standing out by my car with Leah and knew what was up. He even wrote a little card that said "Now that I've kissed the ground you walk on, will you go to prom with me?"

Ah! I die.

Text between Leah and Keith

January 13, 2010

Prom Season

January 13, 2010
Prom is creeping up on me. I have so much to do, so much I have to plan for..

After party
Picture party
Party bus

Ahh, I'm stressed out, but I'm trying not to freak out. This weekend, I will get everything figured out for prom. I will.

January 4, 2010

New Year, New Beginnings

January 4, 2010
Alright, well I gave this blogging thing a try and as you can see, I failed miserably.

I know most of you, whoever is reading this, were probably bringing in the New Year with your best friend Jack Daniels. I, however, brought in the New Year with some comedies and some ritzy champagne that I didn't pay for (I was way too tired to party hard). While those of you who partied hard had a hangover way into New Years Day, I was up fairly early thinking about some New Years resolutions. I finally came to the conclusion that I shouldn't make resolutions. I should just strive not to screw up this year like I did last year. When I make resolutions, I tend to break them and screw up far worse than I would had I not made the damn resolutions. So instead of a resolution, here's my idea:

This year, I will try to blog everyday, even on days where nothing important happens. It'll be like the Julie/Julia Project except without food... well maybe there will be some food on days I'm in a good mood!

If anyone is even reading this, I wish you a Happy New Year and I hope you can stick with your resolutions. To those of you who have already broken your resolutions, 4 days into the New Year, congrats... you are now like me. Maybe you should do what I do and not make resolutions!

I hate when people say New Year, new me... For most people, no, it's not a new you. It's the same you, the same drama, the same bull. Just a New Year. To those who actually change, kudos! I wish more people were like you... heck, I wish I was like you.

Anyway, school starts tomorrow. I'm not thrilled, however I'm not upset. I'm ready for it. This semester will be like the un-cheery Santa, the anti-Santa, bringing AP exams, the GHSGT, prom, SAT, ACT, finals, and worst of all (for me anyway) the graduation of some of my closest friends. I wish them all the best because I know they're ready to go, and when it's my time, I'll be ready to go.

"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. ~Jay Leno"

Photography by Me
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